I have your sanity

I have to admit, I was somewhat skeptical when I found out that the Electronic Frontier Foundation (website) is featuring a Stupid Patent of the Month.

Then I saw this month's Stupid Patent, and I have to admit to being amazed.  And impressed.  And a little depressed.  Admittedly this case was prosecuted pro se.  But still.  

The patent in question is 8,609,158, which issued on December 17 of last year, from an application that was filed in June of 2012.  It's got one claim:

1. A method of treating a human suffering from cancer, pain, and Bipolar disorder consisting essentially of administering to said human therapeutically effective amounts of evening primrose oil, rice, sesame seeds, green beans, coffee, meat, cheese, milk, green tea extract, evening primrose seeds, and wine.

Seriously.  Here's a little excerpt from the Detailed Description section of the spec, for your reading enjoyment.

Go straight to Exhibit G (my favorite best method cooked versions) and make it immediately. Take it in cups or ¾^th cups large doses with hot milk (and oil as directed) in the morning and afternoon for days then taper it off until you get to a lower dose. Drink 2 cups of coffee. In the late morning I drink ½ cup of coffee and ½ cup of milk or green tea. Make this a daily medicine. You must acclimate this food/medicine in your body and keep it in you daily. It is an easy, in your kitchen food, that will help you in 1-10 days and it will help eliminate any hospital trip. After 2-4 weeks, slowly reduce the quantity gradually and lower the medication to a tablespoon per day as directed, you will see the medication effect. You must eat cups at first for many, many days. You must have your body acclimated on this drug. I have you my friend. I have your sanity. If you want, add one glass of red wine or 4 little fruit figs or fruits or dates, a little meat and watch this medicine be better. For a good recipe, drink ½ cup of evaporated milk before bedtime. (For regular medicinal benefits: Do not eat a lot of green plants/seeds on this medicine. Stay away from excess greens if you are not balanced in your foods.) It pushes out your medicine and causes a detoxification. I eat green plants, but I hate my medicine balance right after that or many hours later. It takes a day to rebalance. It is not worth the psychosis or little pains that pop through. (It should be noted that I eat sushi and seaweed is on the rice and I eat soy beans. This is balanced by the rice and green tea and the meat or fish.)